Submission Isn't for Sissies

Unless that's your thing.  In which case, sissy on with your awesome self.

A childhood friend, Genevieve,  after reading my first few blog entries remarked that she was fascinated and surprised that I have a Dom in my life.  (I don't go so far as to say Adam is "my Dom" - that feels like overstating our relationship AND like I'm putting myself on equal footing with Lillith and Eve, his two permanent partners.)

Then Genevieve said what pretty much everyone says to me: "I just can't imagine you being a submissive".

Her and me both. As I've said all along, no one is more surprised by this than I am.

Here's the thing:  most of the female subs I've met during this adventure are a lot like me: independent, strong, smart, educated, confident. No fools or victims. No doormats. Granted, most of those gals are also fucking Adam and it may be that he has a type.  Self-selection aside, though, I do think that it takes strength, courage, and self-direction for a woman to claim every part of her sexuality.  To be honest and brave enough to say, "THIS is the kind of sex I want to have" and then going out and finding it. Whether the confidence comes from pursuing one's own sexual wants, or if pursuing and fulfilling those wants engenders confidence is a chicken-and-egg question I can't answer.

Everyone gets different things from D/s.  For me, one of the chief satisfactions is that I am so much braver with a trusted Dom at my back, someone to reinforce my own will, someone to challenge me and make me challenge myself.  A safety net. When I master myself enough to rise to a challenge, I feel like such a fucking badass.

For example, maybe the second or third time I went to play with Adam, he answered the door naked.  Both of his partners were home. Adam, Eve and I sat and chatted in the living room. I was terrifically uncomfortable with the fact that he was sitting naked on the sofa between Eve and me. Yes, both Eve and I had already seen him naked, but nudity  is a boundary I choose to relax with only with my lover, so having him naked while socializing with his - for all intents and purposes - spouse was difficult for me.  Turns out, it was the smallest challenge of the day.

While we were chatting, Adam picks up a nipple clamp from the coffee table, reaches into my blouse and takes my breast out to put the nipple clamp on. Many folks find the idea of a nipple clamp horrifying. That wasn't my issue.  Being exposed in front of Eve, however, was. I have a philosophy of being willing to try anything that can't harm me and so I had to keep telling myself that there really was no harm in it. Having my flesh exposed in the living room was no more harmful than having it exposed in the bedroom. Eve's eyes couldn't do me any damage.  She's seen boobs before.  She HAS boobs of her own.  But I was So Uncomfortable.  Blushing like a beet.

It took more strength than I knew I had to sit still and allow myself to be exposed like that.

And THAT - breaking the rules about nudity and exposure, mastering myself, the show of strength?  All of that was tremendously sexy.  The real turn-on was how brave I had to be to do it.

So, that's what I mean when I say that submission makes me feel like a badass. I've never had to be so tough before.  I've never had such a chance to routinely prove to myself just how strong I can be and when I do, it is HOT AS FUCK.

In the BDSM world, it's almost a cliche to say that submission is empowering or liberating, but when I got finished telling this story to Genevieve, her response was, "It sounds like being submissive is actually empowering you."

She may have also expressed a little curiosity about D/s.